Hearing Loss is Everyone's Issue Etiquette Manners & Tips

“What’s next?” asks puzzled masters swimmer Joanne during warm-up.

“Three, one hundreds, on top.” her teammate in the lane next to hers replies.

“A 300?”

“No, three, one hundreds.”

“What? Are we going on the bottom?” she asks.

“No, on the top.” he responds with just a hint of frustration in his voice.

“100 on top?” she questions.

“Top!” five swimmers call out in unison.

I’m Sorry, I Have Difficulty Hearing.

Joanne suffers from slight hearing loss. Because of her hearing challenge and the ambient noise of an Olympic pool filled with splashing and talking, she is often forced to ask her teammates to repeat the coach’s instructions to ensure she doesn’t get lost during the workout. Unfortunately, people do occasionally get a little impatient with Joanne’s questions and she feels upset and apologetic.

Joanne is not the only member of the team who finds it difficult to hear, some have trouble because of hearing loss and some have trouble due to water in their ears, earplugs, and caps worn low over the ears. Whatever the reason, not being able to hear is exasperating and can make group participation a struggle.

Hearing loss affects between 21 million and 28 million Americans reports the University of Arkansas Research and Training Center for Persons who are Deaf and Hard of Hearing. With such a high prevalence of hearing loss, chances are many of the people that we encounter in our day to day lives struggle to hear us clearly.

On a sports team or in the workplace the objective of the group is to achieve a positive and productive outcome. If one member of the team is struggling it is to the detriment of the whole unit.

When a person is a valuable and contributing asset of a team, the whole group has an obligation to ensure that person is given every opportunity to perform to her highest potential. The team must make it as easy as possible for the person to receive information.

So what is the proper etiquette for a group with a member who is hard of hearing?

The following social skills tips will help any group run more smoothly.

·         Have compassion

It is important for the group to have compassion for anyone having trouble hearing. Stepping into the shoes of one with hearing loss and imagining what it would be like not to be able to hear provides people with an idea of how isolating, discouraging and frustrating it is to suffer from hearing loss. If a person feels impatient with another who has trouble hearing, before exhibiting anger it is useful to take a moment and imagine trying to perform in a group yet missing key components of the information needed to complete the task. It goes without saying that those with hearing loss should be treated exactly like the rest of the group with a few minor tweaks to help them better gather information.

·         Offer spots in the center of the group

It is hard for anyone to hear when placed far from the speaker. Those people who have difficulty hearing should be encouraged to be in the center of the group and close to the facilitator. Actions that the group can take to help those with hearing loss are to switch seats, change the seating configuration, and change a long rectangular table for a round table. It is important for those with hearing loss to let others know so people can help accommodate.

·         Write it down

Write down the workout or meeting agenda and make sure that everyone can see it. Members of the group who have difficulty hearing should be positioned in front of the board so that they can keep track of what is happening now and what will happen next. There are many affordable technological devices designed specifically for hearing loss that can be added to meeting rooms or workspaces to improve communication.

·         Speak deliberately and clearly

Refrain from speaking too quickly, shouting or mumbling. Speak deliberately but don’t slow speech down so that it seems patronizing and demeaning. Be quiet when other people are speaking to help reduce background noise.

·         Look at the person

Speak face-to-face to those with hearing loss. It is easier to hear and read the lips if looking directly at the person. People with hearing loss struggle to get as much information as possible.

·         Provide time to understand

Before rushing on to the next talking point, allow the person with hearing loss time to take in the information and process it. Rephrase instead of repeating to avoid misunderstandings. Some words are easier to hear or lip read than others and it’s likely that simply saying it another way will bring clarity.

·         Be patient and remain composed

Sure, repeating what has just been said can be trying at times, however, it can’t compare to the exclusion and frustration that a person with hearing loss suffers day in and day out. Be polite and help a hard of hearing teammate or coworker stay with the conversation. Take the time to clear up any misunderstandings and educate the group if not everyone is helpful or as understanding.

We are social beings and communication is the mechanism that we use to connect with one another. Without effective communication we lose the thread that ties us together and that is isolating and depressing. Helping those who have difficulty relaying information back and forth is vital to the health of the individual with the difficulty and also vital to the quality of the group. A culture in which everyone supports the success of each individual means greater success for the group. 

Bully, Back Off! (A view of a bully from a parent’s perspective)

I am so tired of your hateful, anti-social behavior, bully. Your sadistic goal of sucking the joy out of my child’s school day stops now!

Your cruelty is far reaching, touching countless children and adults:

Your victims who dread going to school because you have made it unbearable and frightening.

Parents who agonize during the school day praying that you will give their kid a break and fantasizing that your family will relocate and take you far, far away.

The administration that repeatedly tries to curb your mean behavior while soothing irate parents outraged that you are allowed on school grounds.

Teachers doing their best to reinforce basic etiquette skills like kindness and respect in the classroom.

Where have you been for the past decade while the rest of us have been besieged (thankfully) with bullying education and heartbreaking stories of bullying and its long-lasting impact? I was told yesterday, while complaining to school administration about YOU for the second time this week; that a bullying presentation will be given at your school next week. Be sure that you don’t miss this yearly lecture-I hear the eighth time’s a charm. The government even has a website called stopbullying.gov which I suggest you visit; your bullying style is textbook and you’ll relate to a lot of the content.

Bully, Back Off! (A view of a bully from a parent’s perspective)

You may be unaware of the impact your viciousness has on others so allow me to enlighten you.

You are a thief. You rob us, your victims, of the great afterschool conversations that we used to enjoy so much. Now we have to talk about YOU and the cruelty that you meted out today.

You are a time vampire. You waste our precious time that should be spent hanging out with friends and family, running a business, practicing sports, reading a great book, playing music, doing homework, in fact doing anything else worthwhile besides dealing with YOU. We don’t have time to call the school, meet with the principal, meet with your parents, and talk to the teacher. We want our time to go to our own children not YOU.

You are a backstabber. You enlist bystanders to collude with you and if they don’t you target them next. Fearful you’ll turn on them, they egg you on when you torture your victims. Against their better judgment they feed your wrath and assist you in tearing down your victims.

You are a conspirator. Your threats of retaliation cause our innocent children to lie for you and say everything is okay. Fear of retribution creates a sick relationship between you and your victims and alienates adults.

You are a manipulator. You lie and lie and lie about your behavior. You blame the victim, and the spectators (your co-conspirators) are so afraid of you they back your lies up. You swear up and down to your teachers and school administrators that you didn’t do it or it was nothing but a joke. You know how to game the system, you’ve been doing this a long time. You’re not getting caught and you’re not stopping. In fact, you’re kind of ticked off that an adult confronted you so you might up your game.

You are a predator. You troll the school for your victims perking up at the first sign of whatever you, in your closed-minded brain, perceive to be weakness: timidity, gentleness, small stature, introversion, non-confrontation, intelligence, creativity, and fear.

You are a coward. You prey on people smaller than you. You bully in insidious ways so that you don’t get caught. You don’t admit that you are a bully. You don’t have the courage and maturity to deal with whatever internal upsets you have going on in your life.

Bully, Back Off! (A view of a bully from a parent’s perspective). I know that if you are reading this, you are smirking. You will keep doing what you are doing, because you can’t help it. You are like a robot, wired to do what you do. And I feel sorry for you and for everyone around you, including my child and our family.

But know this: Your bad behavior ends now. We are going to use every legal means in our power to stop you and protect our child from your cruelty, viciousness, and abuse. We are working closely with the school administration to stop you from hurting our child and other children in the school. You picked the wrong family to bully.

How to Cathy Teaches Her First Manners Class

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An Open Letter to the Celebrity Chefs on Food Network

Dear Food Network Celebrity Chefs,

I’ll begin by saying, “Thank you!” You have provided my family and me hours of entertainment watching you appraise an assembly line of bread puddings, fish tacos, plates of “hash”, bowls of under-cooked risotto, and cupcakes…who can forget the cupcakes?

Now to the crux of my letter, I’d like to comment on your table manners. You’re aware that there are millions of people watching you eat, right? To be blunt, your table manners are rather off-putting. In fact, I liken them to Casu Marzu omelets made with emu eggs.

You might ask, “What difference do my table manners make?” Table manners are as important and as basic, judges, as using salt when you cook; you don’t notice when it’s there, but fail to use it and the meal is unappetizing. Table manners allow people to eat together without being grossed out by the actual biological process of chewing and swallowing. Much like cooking elevates the humble potato, table manners elevate eating from a life-sustaining necessity to an enjoyable social occasion.

An Open Letter to the Celebrity Chefs on Food Network

In the spirit of happy dining, I would like to provide a few etiquette training tips to keep you from inadvertently offending your viewers and help keep the focus on the cuisine.

1. Choose a style of dining and stick to it. There are two styles of dining, American and Continental. The American style of dining uses a zig-zag pattern of cutting in which we swap our fork and knife back and forth from dominant hand to non-dominant hand. The knife is never used as a pusher and is balanced on the top of the plate when not cutting. The tines of the fork always remain up. This is a simple style that my five year old has already mastered. The Continental style utilizes both utensils and they do not zig-zag, the knife can be used to push food onto the back of the fork. Please do not use a weird hybrid of the two styles, it is distracting. Both styles are correct-be sure to perfect whichever style you choose before eating in front of us.
2. The fork and knife, once used, should never be balanced both on the plate and on the table. In other words, don’t make a gang plank with your silverware. Dirty utensils should NEVER touch the table, they should be balanced on the edge of the plate when not in use.
3. Chew with your mouths closed. Yes, you are rushing to get through the tasting and provide feedback but we don’t want to witness the masticating of your cherry clafoutis. Take small, manageable bites.
4. Don’t attempt to speak with food in your mouths. Chew, swallow and then speak.
5. Keep your fingers out of your dish unless you are dining on finger foods. Large bones are never picked up, use your fork and knife to cut off the meat. Don’t use one hand to lift the bone and the other to saw the meat off. Small, dainty bones, like those of a roasted grouse can be nibbled using one hand once the majority of meat has been cut off of the bone using your fork and knife. The hand not in use should be placed in your lap.
6. Don’t lick your fingers! Please, use your napkin. Watching someone lick frosting off of her fingers on a 60” high definition television screen is akin to watching an animal devour a wildebeest in the Serengeti.
7. I don’t care how grossed out you are by the “whatever it is” you have found in your elk meat loaf, don’t spit it out and then show us. We believe you when you say it. Chewed gristle, bits of bone, curly hairs, are especially stomach turning. And don’t spit anything into your napkin.
8. Eliminate weird sounds and grimaces. We are happy that your recipe worked, but we gag when we hear you moan in ecstasy while you gorge. It is no secret that your network insists you taste the food in front of us, please just dial it back a bit to eliminate our discomfort. Sure, Pasta Alla Formiana is tasty, but is it THAT tasty? We are viewers not voyeurs.

Brain Pickers The Importance of Proper Manners

Picking someone's brain for free information might seem harmless enough however it isn't proper etiquette. Treating specialists with dignity and respect by paying for their expertise is the proper way to behave. In this etiquette training video Etiquette Moms teaches Brain Pickers the importance of proper manners when dealing with a specialist.

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Etiquette Manners Certification Training

Teaching etiquette and teaching manners are very rewarding things to do. Whether you want to teach etiquette classes for kids as classes, or you just want to teach your own children and teens, then this catagory is for you. Here we show you why manners for kids are important and how teaching manners to any age group is both rewarding and enlightening. Understand that manners for children are an important part of bringing up a great adult, we even include an article on table manners for kids.